Stolen post

I stole this picture from Sweetney. What I really want to know is what the heck does Sasha do for a living???

Skin care

Saw an ad that consisted of the following text:

Skincare Miracle

Age specific skincare is a revolutionary breakthrough in beauty. Click on the link below to learn more about skincare solutions made just for you:

I'm in my 20s

I'm in my 30s

I'm in my 40s

I'm 50 or older

This is kinda bugging me. Every 10 years (according to this ad) you should change your skin regime. Am I wrong that I interpret this ad thusly?

I'm in my 20s - my skin is young and firm and you all envy me...admit it.

I'm in my 30s - I'm still fabulous and young and perky (wait...was that a gray hair?)

I'm in my 40s - I'm a little grayer with a few character lines (no, not wrinkles)

I'm 50 or older - I'm nearly dead...who the fuck cares?

Can you tell I have entered the 'over-50 no-man's land'?

Battle of the Sexes

She: "Gigolo"

He: "Cougar"

She: "He says that like it's a bad thing"

Really??

You know, I like our President. I think he is a good man and will try his best to make a better world, but the Nobel Peace Prize? Really? Now? For what?

Other sitting presidents have gotten it but they actually did something. TR brokered peace between Russia and Japan. Wilson worked on ending WWI and created the League of Nations. Carter got one after leaving office for “decades of work seeking peaceful solutions and promoting social and economic justice”.

I guess they are giving Obama a Nobel in hopes that he will do something.

Okay. Someone give me $2 million in hopes that I will win the lottery.

Oh, Those Awards Shows

I don’t watch awards shows. The Emmys, Oscars, Grammys, Tonys, whatever. A bunch of the so-called rich and famous patting themselves on the back just makes me want to puke. And there are so many of them. Sheesh, every time I turn around there is another stupid awards show: Golden Globes, People’s Choice, SAG awards, Latin awards, NAACP awards, Dogs Chasing Stagecoach awards, Blonde Receptionist awards, ad nauseum.

Maybe one reason I just can’t get into these things is that I so seldom see the shows that are nominated. Until I took my son to the new Star Trek movie this summer I hadn’t been to a movie since before he was born (he turns 7 in two months, people – thank god for Netflix). Right now we don’t even have a working TV. We have so far not opted to connect the cable and our TV is so old (and we never got a converter box) that it can’t pick up the HDTV signals. Fred Flintstone has better electronics than we do.

I do read the recaps, don’t ask me why, I don’t know. And I need to see the fashions that are worn. Some of the dresses are nice, some are what-the-fuck-was-she-thinking. Then I notice the actresses. And realize what most of them need is a sandwich, not a statue. I don’t know who this woman is or what show she is on but I just want to dangle a brownie in front of her face and watch her gag. Good god, she is so skinny I can almost see right through her.

So what's my point? Well, how about a list?

1. Awards shows are stupid.
2. Actresses are (mostly) too skinny.
3. Some of the dresses are laugh-out-loud funny.
4. I need a new TV. And cable. And to get out more.
5. There is no way to end this post so I will ju

Of Fire Ants and Hummingbirds

One thing that I did not miss about living in the southern regions of the country is fire ants. They certainly belong in one of the lower circles of hell. If you have not lived in the south then you have not been introduced to these nasty little devils. These are not the innocuous little black ants of my youth in the northwest. These little mites lay in wait and jump out to lay their torture on unsuspecting bare or sandled feet and ankles.

This is the south, y'all. Sandals are part of the uniform (and no wisecracks about the pedicure or I'm gonna have to hurt you).

Yesterday as I, all unsuspectingly, was retrieving my groceries from my trunk I felt at first a little burning, then more then more. It feels like someone is sticking pins in your feet, little devils. I got four bites in one toe alone. They must have thought it was a smorgasbord.

God I hate them.

Speaking of southern wildlife, there has been a hummingbird snacking on the bottlebrush trees outside my window. I am still trying to get a decent picture of the little guy. I probably shouldn't be calling it a 'guy'. I think it's a female since she isn't all adorned and all.

Anyway, this is the best I have so far.

Here's hoping your day brings more hummingbirds than fire ants.

For Black Friday

Umm...yeah. Please...not a gift I want for Christmas.

Funny Pants

Heh...Julie's got some pretty funny pants stories going on. If you've ever had a funny/embarrassing/humiliating incident with your pants, take a look.

It'll make you feel better. Or at least laugh.

Observation

Just marking time...

Your Observation Skills Get An A

Hardly anything gets by you... You have a great memory and eagle eyes

How Observant Are You?

I'm Goooood!

You Have Very Healthy Relationships

You are an amazing friend, partner, and family member. You always take other people's feelings into account, and you're never selfish. Your relationships are based on mutual respect. You respect the people you love, and you only love people who respect you in return.

Do You Have Healthy Relationships?

The Movie of my Life

The Movie Of Your Life Is A Black Comedy

In your life, things are so twisted that you just have to laugh. You may end up insane, but you'll have fun on the way to the asylum. Your best movie matches: Being John Malkovich, The Royal Tenenbaums, American Psycho

If Your Life Was a Movie, What Genre Would It Be?

Wondering...

Since black (men) were given the vote in 1865 and women were given the vote in 1920, does that mean it will be 55 years before there is a woman president?

Absolutely the last Halloween post....

...will be a wussy mostly-pictures-post-because-I-am-too-lazy-to-try-to-think-up-actual-words-and-shit.

Here is the beginning of our pumpkin-carving activity:

And, yes, here is the eventual product of said pumpkin-carving activity.

Shut up! I was just glad to get it done with all of my fingers intact and no eyeballs dripping blood.

Things you don't wanna hear...

I missed the fun over at Jennsylvania and she has closed the comments but I really want to put this story out there. The topic was, "Things You Don't Wanna Hear..."

It was 1992. I was going on a scuba diving trip to Belize with 8 of my friends (the woman who trained me; two people who were in my class; their two children; an exchange student staying with them; and another couple who are friends of us all). We needed to fly from Belize City to Dandriga to catch the boat which would take us to the resort we were all staying at, the Blue Marlin Lodge.

Just as a reminder...we were going scuba diving, meaning scuba gear. For nine people. For seven days. That is a lot of gear.

This was a small plane; a ten-seater, with the tenth seat being that of the pilot. We were just beginning to board the plane; most of my friends were already standing at the door getting ready to climb aboard. I was back just a bit, near the tail taking a picture of the plane. I heard the pilot speaking to the guy loading the gear,

"Did you weigh all this stuff?"

So, how was YOUR morning...?

One little white dog...

One stupid, whining, little white dog...

Whining about a sample of CAT food left on the counter... ...is MY cat fud, stupid little white dog...

SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP. I feel better now.

Live Longer?

If this is true, I know some people who will live forever.

Weirdness in the news...

Okay, am I the only one who assumed that the chicken was alive?

It just keeps getting better and better...

Well. Hello. Kinda took a little break there. *ahem* Much better now.

Yeah, except for a few things. You know...this getting older crap? Ain't for sissies.

I went to a cardiologist/lipidologist just to try to get a baseline on my heart health. I probably haven't mentioned that I am planning on living forever and wanted to make sure my plan was going forward as I had hoped. They did a blood test and an ultrasound on my neck...to check the blood flow in the arteries.

He said that it didn't look too bad...maybe the start of a little plaque buildup, but I am taking some meds that are good for protecting the heart (enalapril, toprol, lipitor) so that was good. He naturally said the horrible 'lose weight' phrase. (Why does everyone have to say that? Why can't I just once hear. you look great except you need to put on a few pounds. Here's a brownie.)

Then the good news: not diabetic.

Then the bad news: pre-pre-diabetic. How aggressive do you want to be?

Well I mentioned I have a 5-year old son that I was hoping to see get past kindergarten. Then there is also the 'living forever' plan.

So he switched the lipitor to crestor and added metformin. Great.

I also went to see an orthopedist to see why my hip hurts like hell. The verdict? Osteo-arthritis. Great. The treatment? Hip replacement. Wonderful. Surgery scheduled for August.

I just got all the great genes in my family, didn't I? Let's see...

fat genes...check...

cataracts...check...

high blood pressure...check...

endometriosis...check...

arthritis...check.

Now I just need to wait for my prostate to go bad.

HALLELUJAH!!!

Today I believe there is a god. From my bank account:

5/15/2008 Transfer From Savings $150.00 Balance: $2,792.85

Doesn't look too bad? Our mortgage is $2702.36 a month. That left us with $90.00 to live on until I get paid on May 31. Food, gas, etc.

Umm...yeah. What do we have in the freezer? That is gas for two weeks...assuming it doesn't go up another $0.30/gallon in the next couple of weeks. Where is the nearest food bank?

Just logged on today and saw:

5/16/2008 ACH Deposit US TREASURY 220 - TAX REFUND $7,419.00 Balance $10,211.85

HALLELUJAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God has changed his name to Uncle Sam.

But at least now my family won't be fighting over nearly-rancid walnuts in the cupboards and stale Cheetos under the sofa cushions.

WTF???

...it's snowing...