Friday, December 28, 2007

Hey, Look

..what we found in a box by the garbage cans. Outside. In 19 degree weather. Poor little thing was only half alive. But a day in a warm house, some food and water can work miracles.

Can we keep him?

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Bad Mother

My son has 4 best friends. He plays with them. He talks to them. They sleep with him. He loves them.

They are: Tigger, Floppsy, Pink Bear and Bee (or B as I tease him). Most of these characters are easily recognizable in this picture. Pink Bear is the pink bear. Tigger is the tiger. Floppsy is the floppy-eared dog. And B(ee) is, well, the stuffed Nemo.

When E was small(er), he called all fish b(ee)s. Don't ask me why. He knew what a bee was and he knew what a fish was but he still called fish b(ee)s. He also loved the movie "Finding Nemo" so when I was in Orlando on a business trip I picked up a stuffed Nemo at the Disney Store in the Orlando airport. E christened him 'B(ee)'.

As parents we aren't supposed to have favorites. B(ee) and Pink Bear are his favorites.

I have lost B(ee). E is devastated. B(ee) has been missing for about 3 weeks. E asks daily where is B(ee). I have looked everywhere in the house and I can only guess that E left him somewhere. Poor B(ee). He survived being dropped in mud puddles. He survived trips through the washing machine. He survived being laid on, kissed, and hugged. He even survived losing a fin (I sewed it back on). But now he is gone.

I went to the Disney Store and ordered a stuffed Nemo (doesn't it look the same? I thought it was the same). When it arrived, it was much larger than the original B(ee) and a different color (more reddish-orange than the yellow-orange that is B(ee)). I hid it in a closet (anyone want it?).

So I searched for a new stuffed Nemo.

And found this. I found it on e-Bay and paid an extra $10 to get it ASAP (does this look the same? Please tell me this looks the same).

I can't bear looking into that sweet face and saying his beloved B(ee) is gone forever.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

For Unto You is Born...

At 6:30 the next morning, the nurse said I could start...



I slept through labor.

I woke up on Thursday, December 12, 2002 at about 6 AM. The nurse checked my cervix and said I could start pushing. For about 20 minutes I pushed. Then I was told to stop because there was apparently a 'lip' that the poor little guy was whacking his head against. The nurse said she would dial back the epidural a bit and we would try a little later.

"Dial back the epidural a bit" was what she said. Ummm, yeah. If anyone ever says this to you, I advise you to claw their eyes out and run away. Run away fast, machines, tubes, and all. Especially if this is an induction because as I understand it, the labor pains in an induction are quite a bit worse than in a 'natural' labor.

After the fateful 'dialing back', I took my blood pressure meds (which I hadn't taken since the morning before). A (very) short time after that...Oh, my fucking God!!! Yeah, 'dial it back a bit.' Pain. More pain. Then, nausea. Whimpering, crying, oh, the humanity.

B, after seeing me crying and whimpering for 5 minutes or so, then went in search of a nurse.

Let me pause a minute to tell you how, um, forceful B can be. I am glad he was on my side because within minutes of his search I had 2 nurses and an anesthesiologist in my room.

"I am going to throw up." Good thing the nurse was there because, yes, I did. Thank god for the anesthesiologist because he dialed me back in and...ahhh.

About 9:30 AM I started pushing again.

At 10:10 AM, this beautiful boy was placed on my chest.

They lie to you when they tell you that 'you forget all about the pain' because no, I haven't forgotten about the pain. But I look at this wonderful boy and say 'Yes, it was worth it.'

Happy birthday, my wonderful little boy. I love you more than I have words to express. I will love you forever and ever.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

5 Years Ago, Today

It was a Wednesday. I had been in the hospital since Monday noon. A week and a half prior I had had an amniocentesis to check on my son's lung function which turned out to be fully developed. We were told "more bad than good can happen from here on."

I have chronic hypertension (high blood pressure) that I have been taking medication for since I was in my 30s. My first obstetrician did not expect that I would get past Thanksgiving without going pre-eclamptic. I did. The next one (we had moved to California) did not expect that I would get past 34 weeks. I did.

We scheduled the induction at 37 weeks, 3 days (after the above test for lung function). We arrived at the hospital Emergency Room at noon and I was wheeled up to the L&D (labor & delivery) ward. They hooked up a belly band and then took 4 stabs in my right hand followed by another two in my left to get the drip set up (ouch!). I got some stuff stuck up my cooter to soften my cervix and then we proceeded to wait.

And wait.

And wait. Oh, sure, they tossed stuff into the line going into my bruised and battered hand. They shoved more stuff up my wazoo. You could see the contractions on the miles and miles of tape. But really, we just...


Until Wednesday. About 2 o'clock. I was sitting in the chair by the bed, alone, eating my lunch. B was out...somewhere. Suddenly...

"Ummm...", she says after pressing the 'Call' Button. "I think my water just broke." Boy, nothing gets by me.

The nurse comes in and ascertains that it is, indeed, amniotic fluid and not that I have completely lost control of my bowel function. I call B and tell him that it could be getting interesting soon. Forty-five minutes later he arrives and we proceed to...

Wait. At least now though, I start to feel the contractions. Hey! This isn't so bad. By 6 o'clock, that had changed. Whoa! This hurts! By 7 o'clock, I was asking for drugs. I wasn't dilated enough for an epidural, so they gave me something that they said they could only give me twice.

Yes. Please. Anything.

Okay, whatever it is made me sleepy. But it didn't really take away the pain. So what we had was me dozing off and then five minutes later I was hanging onto the side of the bed whimpering. This went on for an hour or so. They then checked me again and, hallejulah!, I could get an epidural. The anesthesiologist could be an hour away. Fortunately he arrived in less than 20 minutes with my blessed, blessed epidural.

He proceeds to do his job. B starts asking him questions. I scream to myself, Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Let him do his job! Don't distract him! Meh.

By 9 PM the blessed, blessed epidural had done its job and I was no longer whimpering in pain. We continued watching bad TV until 11 PM, when I was...


To be Continued...