Oh, Those Awards Shows

I don’t watch awards shows. The Emmys, Oscars, Grammys, Tonys, whatever. A bunch of the so-called rich and famous patting themselves on the back just makes me want to puke. And there are so many of them. Sheesh, every time I turn around there is another stupid awards show: Golden Globes, People’s Choice, SAG awards, Latin awards, NAACP awards, Dogs Chasing Stagecoach awards, Blonde Receptionist awards, ad nauseum.

Maybe one reason I just can’t get into these things is that I so seldom see the shows that are nominated. Until I took my son to the new Star Trek movie this summer I hadn’t been to a movie since before he was born (he turns 7 in two months, people – thank god for Netflix). Right now we don’t even have a working TV. We have so far not opted to connect the cable and our TV is so old (and we never got a converter box) that it can’t pick up the HDTV signals. Fred Flintstone has better electronics than we do.

I do read the recaps, don’t ask me why, I don’t know. And I need to see the fashions that are worn. Some of the dresses are nice, some are what-the-fuck-was-she-thinking. Then I notice the actresses. And realize what most of them need is a sandwich, not a statue. I don’t know who this woman is or what show she is on but I just want to dangle a brownie in front of her face and watch her gag. Good god, she is so skinny I can almost see right through her.

So what's my point? Well, how about a list?

1. Awards shows are stupid.
2. Actresses are (mostly) too skinny.
3. Some of the dresses are laugh-out-loud funny.
4. I need a new TV. And cable. And to get out more.
5. There is no way to end this post so I will ju