Thursday, February 18, 2010

PG-rated swear words

Was thinking the other day about swear words (obviously I have too much time on my hands). I have a child now and although I was never a real big cusser (it still makes me uncomfortable to actually say the 'f' word...although I can write it: fuck - see?), I think that I have to stop saying at least the Big Ones: shit, damn and hell. And the 'f' word, of course, fuck (heh...that probably upped my hit count...).

I should probably also cut out fart and bitch. I use them way too much. Someone once said that adding a yummy food group after a derogatory makes it less dirty. Terms such as:

  • twatwaffle
  • cuntpickle
  • skankmuffin
  • whorecracker
are funnier than they are dirty.

The word 'douche', while itself not really a dirty word becomes funny/demeaning/dirty when different beginnings or endings are added:
  • douchewizzle
  • douchebag
  • douche canoe
  • douchefish
  • flaming douchebag
  • douche-a-rooney
Adding 'knocker' after words makes them funny/dirty:
  • fartknocker
  • bitchknocker
  • doucheknocker
The word 'crap' (which I would not consider particularly dirty seems to have made some list at my 7-year old's school as he chastised me for using it the other day) lends itself to adding an interesting ending as in:
  • craptastic
  • crapalicious
  • crappity crap crap
I have always loved "smarmy bastard." It just seems to roll off the tongue (e.g. "...he was such a smarmy bastard I simply wanted to hurl..."). Lately "batshit crazy" has been a favorite of mine as well.

These are not really swear words, but they are funny:
  • dillweed
  • dorkfish
Okay, now I have shared some of my favorites, I wanna hear some more...anyone?


Debi said...

When I lived in Utah - I heard many... Gotdandruffsomeofititches...
Oh my heck... Oh my holy heck...


It's hard but we've got 5 kids and have to try to be a good example...


Elena said...

LOL! Well I guess I can understand why you're ok with Joe Biden's latest gaffe!