Bed Wars

One of the best perks of going away on business trips and/or interview trips is that I get a big bed to sleep in ALL BY MYSELF.  I just love to lay crosswise on the bed or to sleep right in the middle.  If it is a hotel with room service?  I am in heaven.  I order dinner, get into my comfy jammies and happily pig out on the big big bed watching crappy TV with my laptop on the bed next to me (yay for WiFi!!!) dribbling crumbs on the bedspread.  And no one tries to steal the remote from me.  Ahhhh…

I remember when I was young(er) and stupid(er) and used to lay in my love’s arms all curled up, our bodies intertwined like vines.  Now?  Yeah, not so much.  My dear B, we have been together for nearly 25 years and if you would kindly sleep in the next room please.  Yeah, you.  First of all you snore, you really do.  You rattle roofs and set off car alarms.  I have seen the cat jump six feet on hearing one of your MMFT ROAHHR FFTMMMPPP.  The dog growls and Boy-boy whimpers.  You also steal the covers and roll yourself up in them leaving me shivering in the dark vainly trying to pull the covers from under your body.

And, you, my sweet darling son, you know I love you more than my luggage, but we are so going to get you your own bed as soon as humanly possible.  You are all knees, elbows and sharp corners.  You steal the blankets worse than your father and though you are less than one third my weight you shove me to the edge of the bed so I cower on the edge of the bed teetering on a precipice (okay, so it is only six inches)..

So now we have a ‘family bed’.  Do I like this arrangement?  Ummm, no.  Why are we doing this, you ask.  Well, we had to leave E’s bed back in Idaho as we didn’t have room in the trailer.  He hated the mattress anyway and I promised I would buy him a new bed.  We also left the box spring to my & B’s bed (in Idaho, that is).  So what are we sleeping on:  one queen size mattress and an air mattress that is invariably deflated just enough so that my fat ass rests on the floor the next morning.  We usually try to con Boy-boy into sleeping on that but he has gotten wise to us and even if he gets put down on the air mattress he usually moves over to the other by the time I get into bed and  B & I race each other to try to claim the mattress.

B wins.  My ass cries for a new bed.