...and today I cried

Not the cute, sweet crying with the dabbing at the corners of your eyes with a delicate lace-edged hanky and quiet sniffling, but big deep, snotty, puffy-eyed, red-nosed, chest-heaving sobs. And no kleenex within reach.

Why, you ask?

Well, the wonderful job that I got. The one that I was gonna be at until I am bowed and grey-haired (okay, more bowed and yes, my hairdresser does know)? The one that seemed to care and that seemed interested in me and my career? The one that moved us 2800 miles? Yeah, that one. Well, they are having "Workforce Reduction" (ummm, yeah, euphemism for layoffs). Right. Last in. First out.

I got the notice last month. They gave me 5 weeks severance, which just ran out. They said that I could apply for internal jobs and I would get 'preferential' treatment. I applied for, like 50 or 100 jobs in various places. Many of which are like reading verbatim off of my resume. All I got was the computer-generated "Thank you for your interest..." form letters. Did any human actually read this? Anyone???

I had a great local interview last week. Thought it went really well. Today I got the flush letter. This city has virtually no other places that I can apply. I can't be a waitress anymore (even if it paid enough, even if I didn't just have hip surgery). I don't know anything else I can do except software. And there are no software jobs here.

Right now, we have enough money in the bank for one more mortgage payment (thanks to the 60 hours of vacation pay...yeah...I took virtually no vacation...actually only the ones I had to take because of plant shutdowns over Christmas and the week of the Fourth). My unemployment doesn't even come close to my mortgage (I will get a whopping $360/week...whoopee...).

I don't want to move. God I hate moving. We have done that so much in the past few years that it just makes me want to curl up in a corner and cry some more. I am tired. I am tired of being the sole support for my family. I am tired of sending out resumes. I am tired of explaining.

I am tired.

On a lighter note, I have lost 10 stress-related pounds.

Now excuse me as I move the dust bunnies out of the corner and curl up with the last box of kleenex I could find.