Waiting for Godot...

Reading Julie's post re: getting to donor egg made me think about our own journey. B & I were married in 1993 and stopped using BC in 1995. I saw my first specialist in 1996. Unfortunately we did not aggresively seek treatment as life issues got in the way (not my issues but peripherally affected me so I will not discuss them in this forum...suffice it to say nasty business...lost lots of $$$ and time).

Began to actively try again in 1998. I went first to the Doctor Whose Name Shall Not Be Spoken In My Presence. Now I suppose Dr. WNSNBSIMP is a competent enough doctor. He diagnosed my horrible horrible horrible periods and took out the Dermoid Cyst that made me writhe on the floor in agony so I suppose he has that going for him...but his bedside manner. No.

Let me take a moment and say I had the worst migraine headaches you can imagine. No, don't tell me how bad yours were; you weren't in my head and I am not in yours so I will not make statements about how my headache could beat your headache and send it flying to the curb. I will not go there. They came complete with a Full Complement of Migraine Symptoms.

1. Severe, horrible throbbing pain over my right temple. Only the right one. Grab my head, wrench it off and replace it with Barbie's plastic head. Please.
2. Nausea - yup - many times had to pull off the road to throw up because of the nausea...and I didn't even get to have the fun of getting sloppy drunk and thrown out of the club.
3. Sensitivity to smells - oh, god. I love coffee; I love food, I love the smell of food. But when Mygraine came to visit. No. No coffee. No cologne. No. Nothing with any smell at all.
4. Sensitivity to light - lock me in a cave and roll a boulder in front of the door and I, too will rise in 3 (or maybe 4) days.
5. Sensitivity to noises - be vewwy vewwy qwiet...

And add to the Mygraine my horrible cramps as Dermoid was growing to encompass my abdomen. Laying on a bathroom floor at work because I didn't have the strength to walk out to the car.

Why didn't you go to a doctor, you idiot? Okay I was stupid. I had some really bad medical advice previously and I believed them moron that I am. Doctors tried prescribing things for my headaches for years, but nothing worked. One (idiot) nurse told me that her headaches cleared up when she went through menopause. Who says that to a 30-year old? Bitch.

Anyway, Dr. WNSNBSIMP delivered a by now tennis ball-sized Demoid in July 1999 along with one fully-involved and now totally useless ovary. Hey, I wasn't using it anyway. I asked him about having children. He said:

"You will never have children."

That's it. Nothing else. No hope at all.

I cried.

...to be continued...