Friday, November 17, 2006

Joke Friday - Since I'm gonna be in Texas...

Rules for Texas

  • RULE 1: Don't order a steak at a Waffle House. They serve breakfast 24-hours a day. Let them cook something they know how to cook.
  • RULE 2: Don't laugh at folk's names. Merleen, Bodie, Luther Ray, Tammy, Mari Beth, Marva, Edna Earl, Ouida and Inez have been known to whip a man's ass for less than that.
  • RULE 3: Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda; this can lead to a beating. Down here, it's called Coke, even if you want a Pepsi, Sprite, or a Dr Pepper. Got it?
  • RULE 4: Southern women don't fancy the smart-mouth Yankees. Just remember, they all have Big brothers and Bigger daddies.
  • RULE 5: Don't show allegiances to any other school's football team, EXCEPT THE TEXAS LONGHORNS. All the others are a just bunch of candy-asses, who play Wyoming every week.
  • RULE 6: Don't call us a bunch of hillbillies. Most of us are better educated than you, and a whole lot nicer, to boot. We just talk this way to piss you off.
  • RULE 7: Yeah, we know the humidity is high; just quit whining, spend your money, and go home.
  • RULE 8: No, the state symbol of TEXAS is not the orange and white highway barrel. (This road construction is ticking us off, too.)
  • RULE 9: Don't go to the Cracker Barrel and order toast. If you do this, everyone will know you're from Nebraska. Just eat the biscuits like GOD meant for you to do. And, do not order poached eggs. No one from the South eats eggs poached.
  • RULE 10: Don't try to talk with a Southern accent if you don't have one, or use regional idioms you can't possibly understand. Nothing makes us madder.
  • RULE 11: Don't be telling everybody how much better it was back home. We're not going to change to make you happy. So, if you don't like it here, "Delta is ready when you are"!
  • RULE 12: Our food isn't overcooked; yours is undercooked.
  • RULE 13: Down here, "Kiss my ass" is a perfectly acceptable way to close an argument. You can't get more closure than that.
  • RULE 14: Flirting is a Southern tradition. It doesn't mean you're going home with someone later. It doesn't mean the person flirting with you is even interested. It's all just "practice".
  • Rule 15: Take your hat OFF when you say the words, "Tom Landry."

1 comment:

Shiz said...

Ahh, Texas. I loved my one visit in '98. Texas rocks. I think I'd even live there, which is a lot coming from a Canadian!