Thursday, July 14, 2005


I have an almost aching need to go home. I will not look back on the past 3 or 4 years with great fondness It would be a great pleasure if I could wave my hand and wipe out the memory of everything that has happened.

The one exception to that, of course, would be memories of E; carrying him; his birth and his first 2.5 years. He is the one bright spot of an otherwise abysmal time.

I long for Seattle and the Pacific Northwest. On the flight up we had a magnificent view of Crater Lake in Oregon. Seeing that bought back a flood of memories. The last time I was there when the lake was shrouded in clouds and mist. The times I was there with my family; my parents and brothers. We were camping there when Neil Armstrong took the first steps on the moon.

I long to be around people who love and accept me unconditionally. I long for tall trees and green grass. I long for the places I loved and visited as a child.

I want E to know these places: Mount Rainier and the Olympic rain forest; the Sun Lakes and Lake Chelan; the lonely barrenness of the sand dunes of Oregon and the natural wildness of the Washington coast.

I don't care if we could buy a house cheaper elsewhere. I don't care if the traffic sucks. I don't care if it rains a lot.

It is home. And I miss it.

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