Pictures Tell the Story

I think I must be reverse-anorexic. You know how anorexics look at themselves in the mirror and see a fat person while the rest of us see a concentration camp survivor? Well I look at myself in the mirror and say to myself, ‘Gee, I don’t look all that bad.’ Then I see a picture of myself and reality hits me in the face like a cold salmon in a fish-slapping contest.

Damn! I’m FAT!!

Well, here are the ‘before’ pictures. Judge for yourself.




The first weigh-in? Well that came in at a whopping 218.8.

DAMN!! I’m FAT!!!

The Great Weight Debate

Okay; on the Weight Debate. I can’t resist jumping in here. I first saw references to this at Tertia’s. Then I read the links she had (Go ahead. Take a look. I’ll wait). Than I read Cecily’s. Then I went back to Tertia’s new post.

I am glad that Tertia clarified it. She said

“This was not supposed to be a debate about being overweight. My point was about taking pride in yourself, feeling good about yourself, whatever your weight is. Whether you are 100 pounds or 300 pounds (am v bad at the conversions!), you can be beautiful, attractive etc. The issue about not taking pride in oneself was directed at people of all shapes and sizes. “

I am glad about this because I had a friend (sadly I lost touch with her) who was a very large woman. I would venture to guess that she easily topped 220 on a 5’4” frame. But she was a gorgeous woman. She always dressed impeccably. Her hair and makeup always looked great. She was confident and strong.

I also know someone of average weight who does not seem to care about appearance. Clothes are always sloppy; hair uncombed; always looking dishevelled. Now I don’t know why her appearance is so bad but to me she always seems a little distracted and self-doubting.

For myself, as I have said I am a large woman but I think for the most part I am confident and strong. Most of all I really like me. I think I am a really terrific person. Now that being said I would like to lose some weight for health reasons. I would love to cut down on my blood pressure meds and lose the Lipitor if I could. I also recognize the prevalence of diabetes in this country and would not like to join the horde (glucose level is fine right now, thank you).

On that note, I am announcing that I am going to join Weight Watchers again. I leave for my meeting in about 10 minutes. Since oftentimes making it public helps in achieving one’s weight loss goals, I will post weight and progress on this blog.

Stay tuned.

A Home at last

It looks like we might finally be getting ready to close on a home. The house that we put in an(other) offer on is a 3136 sq. ft (yeah...way more than we need) all brick new home on just about a quarter acre (about as big as the other houses we have owned). The schools are all great; there will be a new elementary school completed by the time E needs it and the community is very kid-friendly with lots of activities for children, 2 swimming pools, 2 water parks and many parks (one just across the greenbelt from the house).

The house itself is rather plain with real basic fixtures (no upgraded lights, kitchen or bathroom fixtures) which is a change from our other houses which all had nice features like crown molding, hardwood floors, columns, etc. With this home we have given up amenities in exchange for square footage (3136 sq ft!!).

Then there is the yard, of course I can just see my little guy running around that big yard. I can picture the sandbox that he can get really dirty in (hey, B!! Little boys get dirty…leave him alone!!) and play with his trucks; his dump trucks and diggers and backhoes. He can catch geckos (yep, it’s Florida…we got ‘em here), snakes and bugs while I try to keep them from invading the house.

And it’s only 15 minutes from work. Good for me too.

A Little Miscellany

I am going on a business trip to Philadelphia. I will be there until Friday. I never minded making short business trips. I hated it when I was gone for 3 or 4 weeks, but a couple of days is not bad.

I did hate telling E though. He cried and said, ‘Mommy, don’t go.’ It is really hard for me to hear that little boy cry *sniff*.

I am taking my laptop so I may make a post while I am gone. I found this little meme the other day that I thought was kind of cool. It is to list five quirky things about yourself. I really had a hard time thinking of five.

Five quirky things:

1. I count the stairs as I go up or down.

2. I try to make words from license plates as I am driving down the street and am very happy if the plate makes a word without needing an extra letter.

3. I carry dental floss around with me constantly. I have a couple of teeth that have a larger gap between them and hate hate HATE having food stuck between them. If I have to I will use a toothpick, but I really prefer the floss.

4. I work better if I can listen to music. The problem with that is if it is music I really like I always wind up singing to it too. Now I don’t have a problem with this but I have to make sure to keep it quiet so I don’t disturb my co-workers.

5. I hate having a dirty bathroom. I clean my bathroom every day. Now I don’t do a super bang-up job every day. I keep a brush next to my toilet and swish it out every day, wipe down my shower wall with the soap left in my washcloth and swish the sink out after brushing my teeth. It takes me maybe five minutes a day but that way my bathroom is never dirty. I blame the Flylady.

What are your 5 quirky things? Let me know if you take up the challenge

Dinner...

Stouffer's ravioli...with meat sauce.

Mmmmm good!

A Little Anorexic

I have something in common with Marilyn Monroe. No, it is not her famous mole or her many husbands. It is not her money or her glamorous lifestyle or how batshit CRAZY she was (tho' some may dispute that last one).

I used to wear the same size she did; size 10.

And in today’s crazy world a size 10 is considered CHUBBY. Marilyn Monroe, perhaps one of the most famous SEX SYMBOLS of all time would be considered too fat for Hollywood.

I started thinking about this when I was reading someone else’s blog (okay…it was Tertia) and saw a picture of her where she described herself as ‘Barbie thin’ and said how she loved being that thin. What started my somewhat addlepated wheels churning was wondering what she thought when she was that thin. Was she satisfied at that weight? Or did she think to herself, ‘…maybe 5 pounds…’ (that’s about 2 kilos for you more enlightened countries).

I know I did. Looking back at pictures of myself I can’t believe that I was not happy with how I looked. I know I always wanted to lose just 10 pounds…then I would be perfect.

Now I know I will NEVER be anorexic…I just love to eat too much, but I am wondering if we are all just a little anorexic.

Judging by some of the men wearing speedos on the beach (AAGGGHHH my eyes!!) they don’t seem to have this problem.

Are we, as women, ever satisfied with our looks?

The Sleep of Innocents

I was watching my son sleep last night. I love that. He is so beautiful and innocent. I saw the slow rise and fall of his chest as he breathed. I saw his hair, tousled in sleep falling over his forehead; his long eyelashes caressing his chubby cheeks. I could smell the baby shampoo in his hair and the soap smell of his skin. I heard the soughing of his breaths. I heard:

“Just do it!”

My son. The Nike commercial.

Toddler Conversation

My son has discovered the joys of talking on the phone. This is a relatively recent discovery of his. When he first started talking we had to drag words out of him.

Me: Say 'hello' to Grandma, E.

E: *silence*

Me: Say 'hello' E.

E: *breathes into phone*

Me: He really does talk...

...three hours later...

Me: Hang in there Grandma...drink some coffee...have a valium...ahh...she hung up...

E: HELLO!!

Recently I had the following telephone conversation with my son:

Me (at work): Hello?

E: Hello...Yeah...Hi, mommy...I like you...*silence*...yeah...the fan's moving...I like you...Hello?....the fan's going....I lost my moons...Ellie bellie...hehehe...that way...I have a wet diaper again...did you say?...Hello...*silence*...let me go get B...*hums*...yeah, hello...B are you behavin' yourself?...yes or no B...the fan's here...Ellie bellie's here...Kenai's here...I like you...B's here...I like you...hehehe...bye bye, mommy

Me: Huh?

The dam has burst.

The hardest thing...

is to walk out the door while your little boy is crying and saying, "Don't go, Mommy. Stay here."

Johari Window & cute little boys

This is really cool. I don't know if I have any readers. I know I get hits, but I sure don't get many comments, but if you are here, feel free to fill this out. This is kind of an interesting exercise.

If you've never met me it would be interesting the see how I appear to others. If you know me, your opinion is always valuable to me.

Hey!! I am almost up to 100 posts...I guess I'm gonna hafta come up with one of those '100 Things About Me' thingies to add to this...cool!!

Hey, again!! It's so cute. An expression that I use all the time is 'How cool is that?' The other day, B, E & I were in the car driving around. E is at the age that he just luuurves big trucks. With every large truck we passed, E said, 'Big truck! Big truck!'

He had done this about 30 times when all of a sudden he said, 'Big truck! Big truck! How cool is that?'

hehehe...ain't he cute??

Blog Wars

I missed the whole blog war. I took a weekend off and did not read a single word and came back yesterday and everybody was dissin' everybody else.

Some people were firing off barbs against the Popular Crowd (yada yada)*; feelings got hurt; shots were fired; prisoners taken. There was some kind of secret club with a secret handshake. Spies for the Popular Crowd used the nifty 'cut and paste' feature on their computers to email the barbs to the targets. More barbs; more unpleasantness.

Well, I have always said that if you can't say something nice about someone, don't say anything at all, so I will start a love fest** because I really do love all of those funny ladies: Tertia, Julia, Jo, Karen, Julie (asshole).

...and now we will return to our regularly-scheduled soap opera...


* (Surprised, aren't you, that yours truly isn't in the 'IN' crowd? Yeah, well, I guess I am still in high school...poor little fat geeky girl with her nose plastered to the window...)

** (Ass-kisser)

The Strength in Meekness

We are currently on the road on the way from Seattle to Florida. Somewhere in the middle of mountains of eastern Oregon, I had the choice of about 2 radio stations; one real twangy country station and a religious station featuring an Hispanic preacher.

I will pause for a moment to inform any readers of my opinion on religion. Well...actually I think that Karl Marx got it right when he called it 'opium for the masses.' Okay, I am not religious; I am an atheist. For myself I see no evidence to support the existence of a 'higher power.' I like the idea of a 'community' and certainly like the feeling of 'belonging', but just can't buy all of the dogma.

That being said, on this occasion I opted to listen to the preacher. He was talking about forgiveness and meekness. I wish I could remember how he said it but the way he phrased it really opened my mind. I had always thought that a 'meek' person was a weak person. Listening to him (I didn't even catch the guy's name), he was saying that meekness = strength.

And now, thinking it over, he is right. At least in my case it would be. It is much easier for me to attack back when someone is mean or cross to me. The preacher's opinion was that if you are able to maintain your 'cool' (he didn't say that...I just can't remember the way he put it) and show the other person that you accept their opinion and ask for their forgiveness for whatever wrong they think you did to them that in the end, your are the person who has shown true strength.

This reminded me of a couple that I used to know. She was very meek, yet her opinion carried the most weight in their household. She might not have prevailed initially, but in the long run she was the winner.

I wonder if I have the strength to be meek?==============================================

Cute baby picture:

Idiot behavior

What a moron!

Another birthday

Happy Birthday to me.

Big deal.

Still Alive

I am STILL ALIVE. I just do not have a reliable, steady access to internet. I will post more later.

It looks like I will be moving again.

Not happy about that.