Just wrong

I am sorry, but this is so fucking wrong it makes my teeth bleed. And while we're speaking of stupid and ridiculous things, take a look at this.

Yep, I am royally pissed off at social services/DCF/CPS (whatever you want to call those twits) that have been harassing us for the last year.

Let's get things straight here: I think these people are idiots. They did not do their job in the beginning. If they had they would have recognized that there was no problem in my household other than living next door to a skanky bitch and her fat-ass husband who made a bogus call to DCF because they were pissed off at us. The only reason DCF continued after us is because B told them to fuck off and I (shall we say) let it be known that I questioned both their intellect and their investigative skills.

I feel another rant coming on.

Unbelievable

Obviously DCF is used to getting what it wants.

The mediated settlement agreement THAT WE ALL SIGNED said that as soon as we went to one of their completed all of the conditions of the settlement then E would be returned forthwith.

We completed them.

Our Conclusion

We have done everything they have asked of us and we should have our son returned to us immediately.

Their Conclusion

They did not tell the doctor enough lies about us (i.e. he didn't reach the conclusion that they wanted) and they need time to make up more shit so he will say that B cannot live with his family.

Unbelievable.

Rant follows

I listened to this NPR story: "Pushing the Age Limits on Motherhood."

First let me rant on the fact that the story is "...Limits on Motherhood..." What about all those old men having children in their 70s and 80s. Are they 'pushing the limits"? Or are they just good ol' boys and getting slaps on the back for being so 'virile'?

Why are women in their 40s 'selfish' for wanting children and women in their 20s are not? Isn't it the same drive, the same wants and desires that is fueling the wish for children? I don't understand how I can be 'selfish' for wanting something that is so essential to the human condition. Am I selfish to want to breathe? To eat? To love and be loved? Stupid, stupid, stupid thinking.

That idiot woman who so resented the fact that her parents were older when she was born is such a twit. Would she rather not have been born?? My parents were 'older' too and I would not trade them for younger parents for anything. I don't know what I can't do now that I did when I was younger. No, I am not going to go skiing (didn't when I was younger either). No, I am not going to play football (ditto the younger me). Run a marathon? HAHAHAHA!!!

But as for not getting down on the floor and playing with my son??? Are you freaking kidding me? Try to stop me!!

Oh, yes...I am sooo tired at night I can barely crawl to my bedroom (*heavy sarcasm*).

*breathe* *breathe*

Mediation – It’s Over

It is all over. I am sad and disheartened but I must concede for E’s sake. This system is such a load of horse crap that I just want to pound my fists on the table and scream for justice. Chapter 39 (the section in Florida law that deals with dependency issues) is being trampled on by DCF and the court system. You may as well use it for wallpaper for all the effectiveness it has. They break the rules, fail to follow their own process, trample on the Constitution and steal your rights, but it doesn’t matter.

The mediator told us that in 13 years of practicing dependency cases, she has never seen the judge go against what DCF is asking for. Basically he just rubber stamps everything put in front of him. We are told we would probably win on appeal but that would be a year or two down the road. Half of E’s lifetime.

That is how they win. Because they don’t care. They don’t care how long your child stays in foster care or relative care. It doesn’t matter to them. But it does to parents. We have already missed E’s first Easter egg hunt. I don’t want to miss any more firsts. He will only be 4 once.

We are going to let E finish the school year with his class (it concludes on May 18). Then my in-laws will drive out here and we will all go to Disney together (we still have 2 tickets each from when we went in January and they have to be used within 6 months).

He was so happy when I told him last night on the phone that he would be coming home soon.

E: Tomorrow?
S: No, sweetie. After school is over for the year.
E: The day after tomorrow?

God, I miss my boy.

Shopping

We fired our lawyer. She was really not very effective; she did not return phone calls; she didn't object to the introduction of the Guardian ad litem report; she only filed our Motion to Dismiss (futile tho' it may have been) until I mentioned it (something that is the very first thing I understand an attorney should have done).

So we are lawyer shopping. Not as easy a task as you might imagine. It is not like buying shoes or groceries. There are no Lawyer Stores that you can go in and browse.

"Oh, yes, I would like to try on that bright-eyed one in the corner. Harvard...very impressive... Oh you have a University of Florida model on sale this week? Great! I'd like to take that one around the block if I may!"

No! No! You have to make an appointment ("Oh, we have an opening in March...oh, no, that is March 2010, you ignorant slut..."), and, despite what my well-meaning though not very lawyer-savvy FIL may say, pay them some enormous sum of money that is equal to the GNP of several small Central American countries just to talk to them (no, they don't offer the first visit for free...take a look and see how many offer a free initial consultation...go ahead, I dare you...). Yes. You have to hire them so you can decide if you want to hire them.

And should we get a Family attorney or a litigator? We don't want some schmuck that will just roll over and do whatever DCF wants them to do. We could have done that ourself...that is what DCF wants you to do, expects you to do. That is what most people do. They are counting on you being so scared and desparate to have your children back that you will do anything they want.

But we didn't do anything wrong.

And I want someone who will stand up and say that.

As Promised...

Mr. GV
Guardian Ad Litem Program
Green Cove Springs, FL

Dear Mr. V -

Your report only goes to reinforce my opinion that the ‘investigation’ done for this case was woefully inadequate at best and grossly incompetent at worst.

You state in your report that ‘the mother appeared to devote minimal attention to the child’s day to day care’ and spoke of ‘limited involvement’ and how my ‘resolve to remain directly involved in the day to day care of the child’ is ‘inadequate.’

I say, BULLSHIT to that Mr. V. You only spoke to people who were around DURING THE DAY. You never bothered to speak to either of his teachers whom I have spoken to on numerous occasions. You never bothered to speak to anyone who knew how close my family was and how very much I am involved in my son's life.

Mr. V, I am not there during the day because I work for a living. Do you think I should I quit my job so I can stay home and take care of my son? Great, I’d love to. Will you see to it that all of our bills are paid, that there is food on the table, that E can afford to go to the college of his choice, and that B and I are cared for in our old age? No? Then, unfortunately, I will have to keep my job.

No sir, I am most certainly NOT an ‘uninvolved’ mother. Are all working parents classified as ‘uninvolved’ or is that a special label reserved only for working mothers?

No I am not there during the day. But I AM the one who gets him up in the morning, gets him dressed, feeds him breakfast, makes his lunch and gets him ready to go in the morning. When I get home from work, we go to the park, we play in the playroom, I get his supper, supervise his bath, get his pajamas on, read him bedtime stories, tuck him into bed and kiss him goodnight. On weekends we go to the park, the zoo, the beach, we play games, watch videos, read books, paint, color, play with his cars, play with his trains...

No, sir, I am most certainly NOT an uninvolved mother. I am just not there during the day. Your report shows that you spoke to the administrative assistant at his school. Why didn’t you just talk to the janitor? Or to one of the groundskeepers? No, the idiot administrative assistant may have never seen me pick him up because when I got to the school she had already gone home. If I were a man would it seem unusual for my spouse to always be seen dropping off and picking up the children? No, of course not, because that is considered normal. We are an atypical household and you are judging us by your outmoded old fogey standards.

You know nothing of us. Of what we went through to have this child. Of our life and how much we love and support each other. Of how much we want to be together.

Since DCF came into our lives and took our son away we call him every night and every night he asks when he will be coming home because as much as he loves his grandma and grandpa he loves his mommy and daddy more. Before DCF came into our lives my son slept in his own bed, in his own room with the door closed and no nightlight. Now he has to have a nightlight and the door must be open. Since DCF so kindly intervened in our lives, my son does not want me out of his sight because he is terrified that he will never see his mommy again because of what one of your workers told him. In our telephone conversations he asks a couple of times a week if someone will come and take him away again.

All in the best interests of the child. Yeah. Right.

Should I?

Mr. GV
State of Florida
Guardian Ad Litem Program

Dear Mr. V –

We are in receipt of your Guardian Ad Litem Report to the Court. Thank you for getting this to us.

Perhaps you were unaware of Chapter 39, section 822, paragraph 4 which states, in part:

Written (Guardian ad litem) reports must be filed with the court and served on all parties whose whereabouts are known at least 72 hours prior to the hearing.

Your report was faxed to our attorney at about 3:30 PM on January 24, 2007 less than 24 hours before the hearing began. Our attorney gave a copy of this report to us less than an hour before the hearing.

Perhaps if we had had a copy sooner as required by the statute we would have had time to prepare a response and get it on the record before the hearing.

You might consider adhering to the rules as laid out in Chapter 39. I am sure that the families you work with in the future would appreciate it.

=============================================

What do you think? Too snarky?

Should I send it?

Should I...?

DENIED

Unfortunately our attorney was correct. The stupid-a$$ judge denied our request to dismiss the case. He said that prosecution needs a chance "to prove their case."

I guess a 4-year old, his emotions and well-being do not get placed above the prosecution's right to 'prove their case.'

Our trial is set for March 29th.

Lovely.

(I am composing a long rant against the stupid Guardian ad Litem* which will be posted shortly)

*GUARDIAN AD LITEM - Lat. "guardian at law." The person appointed by the court to look out for the best interests of the child (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!) during the course of legal proceedings.

In the news...

"It's not against the law to wear your underwear!"

Yeah? Tell that to Florida.

More Court Crap

Well, I guess it's time for a little court update. Our appearance on the 4th was really just a formality (again). Sheesh, no wonder the court system is so clogged. It takes 3 or 4 different appearances to get anything done. Our attorney filed a Motion for Dismissal. She doesn't think the judge will dismiss it, but I figure it's worth a try. If the stupid judge actually decided to read the allegations, any of the stuff we have filed or any of the answers to their allegations then this crap would be over, but I don't think he bothers.

What we filed was:

COMES NOW, the parents, XXXXX and XXXXX, by and through their undersigned attorney and move this Court pursuant to Rule 8.235(b), Fla. R. Juv. P., to dismiss the Petition for Dependency for failure to state a cause of action and would state the following in support of their motion:

1. The Petition fails to allege the factual basis for any reasonable efforts made to prevent or eliminate the need for the removal of the child from the home.
2. The Petition fails to allege any allegations of abuse, abandonment or neglect. The allegations are merely that the mother did not make the minor child available to the Department Investigator. The mother does not have any duty to make the child available. There was no court order, nor pending case.
3. The Petition fails to allege any actual abuse or neglect or abandonment. In fact, the Petition fails to date any actions by the Father in paragraph 6.b.
4. The Petition fails to allege any actions by the father that are in the presence of the minor child. The Petition alleges that the father wears “vulgar” clothing, boxers or a
towel to the mailbox, and shorts to answer the doorbell. The allegations do not rise to the level of dependency.

Wherefore, the Parents pray that this Court will dismiss the Petition and grant any other relief deemed proper and appropriate.

++++++++++++++++++++

Our attorney keeps saying how she can't believe that the state is proceeding with this case. They have nothing. N. O. T. H. I. N. G. It is a collassal waste of time and money.

The real reason they have continued with this is because of point 2 above. We refused to jump just because they said 'frog' and tried to make them follow the law. You know, things like following due process, adhering to unimportant little documents like the Constitution and the Bill of Rights.

Assholes. They think they are above the law; that the Constitution does not apply to them.

They certainly aren't doing any of this 'in the best interest of the child.'

Dear God. You suck.

NOTE: I wrote the following post yesterday. I was feeling very down and blue and was terribly sorry for myself (why not? who else will feel sorry for me?), but then last night I watched Betty Ford as she said goodbye to her life's partner. She had such grace. She is so strong (this country has had many many first ladies with buckets of courage and grace...seems there must be a few posts in that). I know that I will come out of this mess on the other side. I know that I will and can carry on. But I am sure that there will be times when I feel like the world is stomping all over me. The following post reflects that.

- sheilah

==========================

I am going to borrow Cecily’s letter from a few years ago: Dear God. You suck.

I hate this. I usually love the holidays but this year I didn’t do anything for Christmas. Before all this crap happened I had such nice plans. A nice quiet Thanksgiving at home with turkey and all the trimmings. Then maybe stay home for Christmas too. Or maybe go to Houston to be with B’s brother and family for a few days and then home again.

That’s what I want to do next year. I want to be at home with my little family. I know I don’t want to go to the in-laws (I just have trouble with MIL & FIL…I like B’s brothers & sister). The visit this year was as excruciating as I thought it would be. The first 4 days in Houston were fine and would have been plenty for me. It was the last 5 in Austin that almost made me take a jump off a nearby bridge. If it hadn’t been for the fact that MIL & FIL now have custody of MY SON and I need to be SUPERVISED to be with him, I would have left after a day. I stayed only to be with E.

He can sense that they do not like me (never have…MIL disliked me after seeing me ONCE for about 10 minutes…not a good relationship with her at all). He asked me on numerous occasions, “Do grandma and grandpa like you?” I didn’t want to lie and I didn't want to tell him the truth so I just told him how much they loved him.

It didn’t help that I have been so sad and emotional and weepy either. E asked me more than once, “Are you sad, mommy?” I hated to lie to him but I didn’t want to make him sad too. It’s bad enough that I cried in front of him. He was so sweet. He held me and stroked my hair and said, “Don’t cry, mommy.” He is such a good, kind boy.

God, will this nightmare ever end?

Back home again...

Back in Florida again. Hard without E. He is still in Texas with grandparents. I miss that little guy every day.

While those CPS jerks had him some dumbshit said something to him about never seeing his mommy again. He asked B that the day after we got him home again ("will I ever see mommy again?"). I didn't find out about that comment until Christmas Eve.

That explained why E didn't even want me out of his sight. He followed me around and was angry when I walked away from him (into the kitchen, into the office, the bathroom, etc.).

What kind of an asshole would say that to a 3-year old?

Out of baby jail

E is being 'delivered' to our house tonight. At least he will be out of foster care, but B can not sleep in the house. So he will sleep in my in-law's van.

Is that stupid or what?

Discovery

Well, the 'discovery' was every bit as stupid as I thought it would be. It all seems to prove OUR case!! They have E's medical records (which our lawyer gave to them after I gave them to her) showing that all of his pedes have thought that E was completely healthy with no sign of abuse.

They had some child psychologist, supposedly an expert in questioning children, evaluate E. His findings?

"The child is intelligent and disclosed no physical DV* b/w the parents."

In this discovery, their own workers describe E as "bright", "articulate", "happy", and "healthy" with "no signs of abuse."

Why the f!#$! won't these people give my boy back!!!?????

*DV = domestic violence

Court

Yesterday we appeared in court to go before the judge and say "Balderdash!" (well, okay, we said 'Deny' because that is the terminology in these types of cases). Now it is up to the prosecution to prove that somehow we did something that put E "in imminent danger of abuse, neglect, or abandonment."

We finally received discovery from the other side. I am going to pick it up from our attorney later this morning. I will look through it tonight VERY carefully and make notes on everything that they got wrong (they served us papers with Evan's birthdate as 11/25/1998, our address was wrong, my name was wrong, and many more errors...how careless and stupid are these people??!!!).

The prosecution has stipulated that E can come home if B's mother comes out from Texas and stays with us. They first will have to do a 'home study' to make sure we have picked the guns, knives and hypodermic needles up off of the floor and we don't store our drugs and alcohol in baby bottles and milk cartons...you know...that sort of stuff.

You know how much I will LOVE living with my MIL (blech) but at least E will be out of foster care.

The pre-trial is set for January 4th.

...and the saga continues...